We always have a love and hate relationship

It has its ups and downs, but mostly we’re on the ground

The first time we met, I am not really aware of you

The next time we met, you sickened me

I thought terrible things about you

I saw the way people look at you

And it started to change the way I felt about you

I spent a long time hiding you

I hatred your curves, your size, your parts

Everything about you

I cry on days when I can’t even look at you

I hated with the way you move

I struggle more when you can’t move

I blamed you for everything

And everything that happened wrong

That felt wrong, that went wrong

One day, I saw you lying on bed in the emergency room

That moment I really saw you

I realized that you’re sick

Not the kind you get better with medicines and operations

The kind that makes this earth, too heavy

And you, too fragile

The kind of sickness that lives in your DNA

Yet, you’re still here, surviving

From that day I began to admire you

The last few years, you started to take up more spaces

So I took the time to get to know you, to decorate you, to accept you

And you know what, I have loved you

It’s hard to believe because for most of my life, I didn’t

As most of the time, society tells me that I shouldn’t

But really, it’s not hard to love you

I love you for all the things you can do

And I understand you for the things you can’t

It’s okay that you can’t

Be gentle with yourself when you can’t

Do not allow people to treat you insignificant because don’t meet the criteria of normal

Normal is overrated

You may not be what the society may think you should be

But it’s yours, it’s you

And you are the one to decide who and how you should be

Ignore the prickly glares

And always choose to show up to everybody

Remember you are strong

If you are knocked down, you get back up

You have pushed me up to grow

Into this woman that I am becoming

And still becoming

You’re continuing to be enduring and sympathetic

While I continuously find myself

To find pieces that make me, me

We have endured so much

Emotionally and physically

So from now on

I will take care of you

Because I know

That if you’re happy and healthy

We are both happy and healthy

Thank you for being part of me

I know you will hold me until the very end

Because you are my home

And when it comes down to end

You’re still me, and I’m still you

So this is not just a love letter to you

But an apology too

I love you


This Post Has One Comment

  1. Mumonwheels

    I love this letter to yourself. It can definitely relate.
    I am now officially your stalker!

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