We always have a love and hate relationship
It has its ups and downs, but mostly we’re on the ground
The first time we met, I am not really aware of you
The next time we met, you sickened me
I thought terrible things about you
I saw the way people look at you
And it started to change the way I felt about you
I spent a long time hiding you
I hatred your curves, your size, your parts
Everything about you
I cry on days when I can’t even look at you
I hated with the way you move
I struggle more when you can’t move
I blamed you for everything
And everything that happened wrong
That felt wrong, that went wrong
One day, I saw you lying on bed in the emergency room
That moment I really saw you
I realized that you’re sick
Not the kind you get better with medicines and operations
The kind that makes this earth, too heavy
And you, too fragile
The kind of sickness that lives in your DNA
Yet, you’re still here, surviving
From that day I began to admire you
The last few years, you started to take up more spaces
So I took the time to get to know you, to decorate you, to accept you
And you know what, I have loved you
It’s hard to believe because for most of my life, I didn’t
As most of the time, society tells me that I shouldn’t
But really, it’s not hard to love you
I love you for all the things you can do
And I understand you for the things you can’t
It’s okay that you can’t
Be gentle with yourself when you can’t
Do not allow people to treat you insignificant because don’t meet the criteria of normal
Normal is overrated
You may not be what the society may think you should be
But it’s yours, it’s you
And you are the one to decide who and how you should be
Ignore the prickly glares
And always choose to show up to everybody
Remember you are strong
If you are knocked down, you get back up
You have pushed me up to grow
Into this woman that I am becoming
And still becoming
You’re continuing to be enduring and sympathetic
While I continuously find myself
To find pieces that make me, me
We have endured so much
Emotionally and physically
So from now on
I will take care of you
Because I know
That if you’re happy and healthy
We are both happy and healthy
Thank you for being part of me
I know you will hold me until the very end
Because you are my home
And when it comes down to end
You’re still me, and I’m still you
So this is not just a love letter to you
But an apology too
I love you
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I love this letter to yourself. It can definitely relate.
I am now officially your stalker!